No Certain Analysis

In keeping with the natural order of things and the fact that change is inevitable, I've updated my blog page.  I've neglected my blog for quite some time now.  There was a small part of me that hoped it would sustain itself and that, somehow, it could know me and write for me all the longings and lessons of my heart.  But that is the dreamer in me--the part of me that has remained too small in the face of truth.  Logic tells me that dreams and magic are two very different things.  But isn't there a sort of magic in all dreams?

A friend of mine was talking about miracles the other day.  Not the kind of miracles granted by God, but the kind of miracles we see in life every day, the kind of miracles we see in hope, love, and change.

The more she spoke about the benefits of changing one's attitude and perspective, the more I began to see myself in her--not the self I've been, but the self I wish to be.  Yet I couldn't help but wonder why, if this change is what I really want, it is so difficult to achieve.  My friend's philosophy stems from the idea that the only person you can change is yourself; it is not our job to change other people.  How true this is!  Yet we (I) pretend that this is not so.

Honesty is such a vast thing.  And so small, too, so easily hidden.  When I am honest with myself I am able to grant myself a place in this world much more meaningful than the space I fill by merely existing.  Being honest means giving your voice to the unforgiving wind that seeks to destroy your expression.  Being honest means loving yourself enough to know what you want, think, believe, and need and then having the courage and confidence to speak those things. 

I will admit, there is a part of me that's floating away, and I'm not sure where that fierce wind is trying to take me.  The question now is, does my voice sing with that wind or fight against it?

I'm dreaming more these days. I welcome the judges. They have always been here; now, I'm not pretending they don't exist.

Many of you who read this will wonder what I'm talking about and why I'm being so vague.  It must seem like I'm trying to tell you something while I'm not really telling you anything at all.  This post seems to be about so many things and about nothing specific at the same time.  Well, there we go, floating away.  It happens when we least expect it, and rarely do we see it coming. 

Your heart has answers, and if you will just close your eyes and listen, you might hear them.